The Coincidence of Hope

Hope is a small word but a word I use at least 57 times a day. I hope my alarm clock goes off. I hope the wind doesn't mess up my hair before I get to work. I hope I can get it together. I hope dinner is good. I hope I don't have a lot of email. I hope this day goes by super fast. I REALLY hope we don't have to meet today. I use this word without thinking most of the time.

Hope is a HUGE word and I use it at least 57 times a day. I hope my little girl grows up to be a strong person. I hope she has a kind heart. I hope she can understand why I've made certain choices. I hope I haven't scarred her forever. I hope I can get through these next 2 days until I can hug her again. I hope I can be the best wife to my most fabulous husband. I hope I can make someone smile today.

Hope gets me through. To lose this is the most desolate feeling there is in the world. To think that there is no hope, and you will live in despair with no good sign is the saddest most alone feeling there can be. Been there, done that. I found my hope 2 years ago. I have gone from pretending to smile and be happy in life to actually smiling and being happy, and not just on my face either. My heart is happy. I have hope again. I created that hope. I made the choice to pick myself up and create the happiness for myself. I have small hopes, like hoping I can button my pants each morning with a little less muffin top than the day before. I have medium hopes like how I hope I can be the best mom to my little girl and teach her how to see people as people and see them for who they are, not who she wishes they were. And I have giant hopes. Hopes to be a rock star...yes I still hope this...Hopes to see my dad again in heaven, hopes that I will be a good enough person to get to Heaven.

Little reminders give me hope. Things that mean nothing to some, but mean the world to me and then some. The big reminders always seem to come right when I need them most. Like my wonderful therapist, Dr. AWESOME says, everything in life is not a coincidence. Some things are meant for us to see. To give us hope, to strengthen our faith. The past 2 days I have been given amazing reminders that hope is a very real thing. Maybe from my dad, maybe from a higher power, but they are there. The keep me going through the sad times. Though my sad times are less and less now. Looking for the hope in each day gets me to that good place.  The place I hope to teach my daughter about. The place where life is happy because that's what I've chosen it to be. I believe the reminders of hope are not always coincidence. I believe something puts these reminders in my life purposely. Hope always whispers "one more time". May you never lose hope and always find a reason to smile.

Cheers!